Retaliation

Soon after the arrival of Thomas Paine, in the United States, who had been invited by Thomas Jefferson to take passage hither from France in a public vessel, this toast was drank by some federalists at Washington, as a sarcasm on both Jefferson and Paine: — “May none know pleasure that loves Paine.” Upon hearing of the circumstance, Mr. Paine jocosely wrote the following lines: —

1 I send you, sir, a tale about some fed’s
2 Who, in their wisdom, went to loggerheads.
3 The case was this: they felt so flat and sunk,
4 They took a glass together, and got drunk.
5 Such things, you know, are neither new nor rare,
6 For some will hang themselves when in despair.
7 It was the natal day of Washington;
8 And, this they thought a famous day for fun;
9 For, with the laughing world, it is agreed,
10 The better day the better deed.
11 They toped away, and, as the glass went round,
12 They grew in point of wisdom more profound;
13 For at the bottom of the bottle lies
14 That kind of sense they overlook when wise.
15 Come! here’s a toast, (cried one, with roar immense):
16 “May none know pleasure that loves Common Sense.”
17 Bravo! cried some; no, no, some others cried;
18 But left it to the waiter to decide.
19 I think, said he, the toast would be more plain,
20 To leave out common sense, and put in Paine.
21 On this a loud debate arose among
22 This jobbing, sunken, drunken throng.
23 Some said, that Common Sense was all a curse,
24 That making people wiser, made them worse;
25 It taught them to be careful of their purse,
26 And not be led about like babes at nurse;
27 Nor yet believe in stories upon trust,
28 Which all mankind, to be well governed, must;
29 And that the toast was better at first,
30 And he that didn’t think so, might be curst.
31 So, on they went, till such a fray arose,
32 As all that know what fed’s are, must suppose.

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About this text

Title (in Source Edition): Retaliation
Author: Thomas Paine
Themes:
Genres: answer/reply; occasional poem
Headnote: New York Columbian, 27 May 1817

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Source edition

Cleary, Scott M., ed. Claeys, Gregory, gen. ed. Thomas Paine Collected Writings. Vol. II. Part 2: Poetry. Princeton: Princeton UP, 2026. 5 Volumes.

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