The Monk and Jew.

A Tale.

1 To make new Converts truly blest,
2 A Recipe — Probatum est. —
3 Stern Winter, clad in frost and snow,
4 Had now forbad the streams to flow;
5 And skaited Peasants swiftly glide,
6 Like swallows, o’er the slippery tide:
7 When Mordecai (upon whose face
8 The synagogue you plain might trace)
9 Fortune with smiles deceitful bore
10 To a curst hole, but late skinn’d o’er.
11 Down plumps the Jew, and sinking found,
12 Tho’ deep the hole, the distant ground:
13 Rising, the friendly ice he caught,
14 Which kept him from the chilling draught;
15 He gasp’d — he yell’d a hideous cry,
16 No friendly hand, alas, was nigh,
17 Save a poor Monk, who quickly ran
18 To snatch from death the drowning man.
19 But when the holy father saw
20 A limb of the Mosaic law,
21 His hand outstretch’d he quickly withdrew,
22 “For Heav’n’s sake help!” — exclaims the Jew.
23 “Turn christian first” the father cries.
24 “I’m froze to death” — the Jew replies.
25 “Froze! quo the Monk — too soon you’ll know,
26 “There’s fire enough for Jews below:
27 “Renounce your unbelieving crew,
28 “And help is near” — “I do — I do.”
29 “Damn all your brethren great and small”
30 “With all my heart, — Oh, damn ’em all:
31 “Now help me out” — “There’s something more,
32 “Kiss this blest cross, and Christ adore;”
33 “There, there — I Christ adore,” — “’Tis well,
34 “Thus armed, defiance bid to Hell;
35 “And yet — another thing remains
36 “To guard against eternal pains;
37 “Do you our papal father hold
38 “Heav’n’s vicar? — and believe all told
39 “By holy church?” — “I do, by G-d,
40 “One moment more I’m food for Cod;
41 “Drag, drag me out, — I freeze, — I die.”
42 “Your peace my friend is made on high;
43 “Full absolution here I give;
44 “Saint Peter will your soul receive: —
45 “Wash’d clean from sin, and duly shriven
46 “New converts always go to heaven;
47 “No hour for death so fit as this;
48 “Thus — thus — I launch you into bliss.”
49 So said — the father in a trice
50 His convert launch’d beneath the ice.

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About this text

Title (in Source Edition): The Monk and Jew. A Tale.
Author: Thomas Paine
Themes:
Genres: narrative verse
Headnote: Sussex Weekly Advertiser, 26 March 1770

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Source edition

Cleary, Scott M., ed. Claeys, Gregory, gen. ed. Thomas Paine Collected Writings. Vol. II. Part 2: Poetry. Princeton: Princeton UP, 2026. 5 Volumes.

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