[Page 211]



1 A Bag-wig of a jauntee air,
2 Trick'd up with all a barber's care,
3 Loaded with powder and perfume,
4 Hung in a spendthrift's dressing-room;
5 Close by its side, by chance convey'd,
6 A black Tobacco-pipe was laid;
7 And with its vapours far and near,
8 Outstunk the essence of Monsieur;
9 At which its rage, the thing of hair,
10 Thus, bristling up, began declare.
11 "Bak'd dirt! that with intrusion rude
12 " Breaks in upon my solitude,
13 "And with thy fetid breath defiles
14 " The air for forty thousand miles
[Page 212]
15 "Avaunt pollution's in thy touch
16 " O barb'rous English! horrid Dutch!
17 "I cannot bear it Here, Sue, Nan,
18 " Go call the maid to call the man,
19 "And bid him come without delay,
20 " To take this odious pipe away.
21 "Hideous! sure some one smoak'd thee, Friend,
22 " Reversely, at his t'other end.
23 "Oh! what mix'd odours! what a throng
24 " Of salt and sour, of stale and strong!
25 "A most unnatural combination,
26 " Enough to mar all perspiration
27 "Monstrous! again 'twou'd vex a saint!
28 " Susan, the drops or else I faint! "
29 The pipe (for 'twas a pipe of soul)
30 Raising himself upon his bole,
31 In smoke, like oracle of old,
32 Did thus his sentiments unfold.
33 "Why, what's the matter, Goodman Swagger,
34 " Thou flaunting French, fantastic bragger?
35 "Whose whole fine speech is (with a pox)
36 " Ridiculous and heterodox.
37 "'Twas better for the English nation
38 " Before such scoundrels came in fashion,
39 "When none sought hair in realms unknown,
40 " But every blockhead bore his own.
[Page 213]
41 "Know, puppy, I'm an English pipe,
42 " Deem'd worthy of each Briton's gripe,
43 "Who, with my cloud-compelling aid
44 " Help our plantations and our trade,
45 "And am, when sober and when mellow,
46 " An upright, downright, honest fellow.
47 "Tho' fools, like you, may think me rough,
48 " And scorn me, 'cause I am in buff,
49 "Yet your contempt I glad receive,
50 " 'Tis all the fame that you can give:
51 "None finery or fopp'ry prize;
52 " But they who've something to disguise;
53 "For simple nature hates abuse,
54 " And Plainness is the dress of Use. "


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About this text

Title (in Source Edition): The BAG-WIG and the TOBACCO-PIPE. A FABLE.
Themes: humour; objects
Genres: fable

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Source edition

Smart, Christopher, 1722-1771. Poems on several occasions: By Christopher Smart, A. M. Fellow of Pembroke-Hall, Cambridge. London: printed for the author, by W. Strahan; and sold by J. Newbery, at the Bible and Sun, in St. Paul’s Church-Yard, MDCCLII., 1752, pp. 211-213. [16],230p.,plates; 4⁰. (ESTC T42626; OTA K041581.000) (Page images digitized from microfilm of a copy in the Bodleian Library [2799 d 134].)

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The text has been typographically modernized, but without any silent modernization of spelling, capitalization, or punctuation. The source of the text is given and all editorial interventions have been recorded in textual notes. Based on the electronic text originally produced by the TCP project, this ECPA text has been edited to conform to the recommendations found in Level 5 of the Best Practices for TEI in Libraries version 4.0.0.

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