REPORT Of an adjudged Case not to be found in any of the Books.
1 BETWEEN Nose and Eyes a strange contest arose,
2 The spectacles set them unhappily wrong;
3 The point in dispute was, as all the world knows,
4 To which the said spectacles ought to belong.
5 So the Tongue was the lawyer and argued the cause
6 With a great deal of skill, and a wig full of learning,
7 While chief baron Ear sat to balance the laws,
8 So fam'd for his talent in nicely discerning.
9 In behalf of the Nose, it will quickly appear,
10 And your lordship he said, will undoubtedly find,
11 That the Nose has had spectacles always in wear,
12 Which amounts to possession time out of mind.
13 Then holding the spectacles up to the court —
14 Your lordship observes they are made with a straddle,
15 As wide as the ridge of the Nose is, in short,
16 Design'd to sit close to it, just like a saddle.
17 Again would your lordship a moment suppose
18 ('Tis a case that has happen'd and may be again)
19 That the visage or countenance had not a Nose,
20 Pray who wou'd or who cou'd wear spectacles then?
21 On the whole it appears, and my argument shows
22 With a reasoning the court will never condemn,
23 That the spectacles plainly were made for the Nose,
24 And the Nose was as plainly intended for them.
25 Then shifting his side as a lawyer knows how,
26 He pleaded again in behalf of the Eyes,
27 But what were his arguments few people know,
28 For the court did not think they were equally wise.
29 So his lordship decreed with a grave solemn tone,
30 Decisive and clear without one if or but —
31 That whenever the Nose put his spectacles on
32 By day-light or candle-light — Eyes should be shut.
About this text
Title (in Source Edition): REPORT Of an adjudged Case not to be found in any of the Books.
Author: William Cowper
Genres: occasional poem
Text view / Document view
The text has been typographically modernized, but without any silent modernization of spelling, capitalization, or punctuation. The source of the text is given and all editorial interventions have been recorded in textual notes. Based on the electronic text originally produced by the ECCO-TCP project, this ECPA text has been edited to conform to the recommendations found in Level 5 of the Best Practices for TEI in Libraries version 3.0.
Other works by William Cowper
- ANOTHER. Addressed to a YOUNG LADY. ()
- BOADICEA, AN ODE. ()
- CHARITY. ()
- A COMPARISON. ()
- CONVERSATION. ()
- THE DIVERTING HISTORY OF JOHN GILPIN, SHEWING HOW HE WENT FARTHER THAN HE INTENDED AND CAME SAFE HOME AGAIN. ()
- THE DOVES. ()
- AN EPISTLE TO JOSEPH HILL, ESQ. ()
- EXPOSTULATION. ()
- A FABLE. ()
- HEROISM. ()
- HOPE. ()
- HORACE. Book the 2d. ODE the 10th. ()
- HUMAN FRAILTY. ()
- THE LILY AND THE ROSE. ()
- THE LOVE OF THE WORLD REPROVED; OR, HYPOCRISY DETECTED. ()
- THE MODERN PATRIOT. ()
- MUTUAL FORBEARANCE, Necessary to the Happiness of the Married State. ()
- THE NIGHTINGALE AND GLOW-WORM. ()
- ODE TO PEACE. ()
- On a GOLDFINCH starved to Death in his Cage. ()
- On observing some Names of little Note recorded in the BIOGRAPHIA BRITANNICA. ()
- On the Burning of LORD MANSFIELD'S Library, together with his MSS. by the Mob, in the Month of June, 1780. ()
- On the Promotion of EDWARD THURLOW, Esq. to the Lord High Chancellorship of ENGLAND. ()
- ON THE SAME. ()
- The PINE APPLE and the BEE. ()
- THE POET, THE OYSTER, AND SENSITIVE PLANT. ()
- THE PROGRESS OF ERROR. ()
- A REFLECTION on the foregoing ODE. ()
- RETIREMENT. ()
- THE SHRUBBERY, Written in a Time of Affliction. ()
- TABLE TALK. ()
- [THE TASK, A POEM, IN SIX BOOKS.] BOOK I. ()
- [THE TASK, A POEM, IN SIX BOOKS.] BOOK II. ()
- [THE TASK, A POEM, IN SIX BOOKS.] BOOK III. ()
- [THE TASK, A POEM, IN SIX BOOKS.] BOOK IV. ()
- [THE TASK, A POEM, IN SIX BOOKS.] BOOK V. ()
- [THE TASK, A POEM, IN SIX BOOKS.] BOOK VI. ()
- TIROCINIUM. ()
- To the REV. MR. NEWTON. An Invitation into the Country. ()
- To the Rev. WILLIAM CAWTHORNE UNWIN. ()
- [Translation] 1. THE GLOW-WORM, ()
- [Translation] 2. THE JACK DAW. ()
- [Translation] 3. THE CRICKET. ()
- [Translation] 4. THE PARROT. ()
- TRUTH. ()
- VERSES, supposed to be written by ALEXANDER SELKIRK, during his solitary Abode in the Island of JUAN FERNANDEZ. ()
- THE WINTER NOSEGAY. ()