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The Inquiry. A Dialogue between Cleanthe and Marissa.

Cleanthe.
1 TELL me, Marissa, by what Rule
2 May I judge who's the greatest Fool?
3 Is't he, that in pursuit of Wealth,
4 Neglects his Ease, neglects his Health,
5 And void of Rest, and full of Care,
6 Becomes a Slave to his next Heir;
7 To him, who does his Thrift despise,
8 And from him with Abhorrence flies:
9 And when he's dead, with eager haste
10 Will soon his ill-got Riches waste?
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11 Or he, who seeks in bloody Wars,
12 For Fame, and honourable Scars?
13 For Fame, that idle, useless Toy,
14 Which Fools can give, and Fools destroy!
15 Or is't the Man, who dully grave,
16 Is to his Books a willing Slave?
17 Who, if he has the Classicks read,
18 And talk'd with all the mighty dead;
19 Knows the much fam'd Atomick Dance,
20 And all the wondrous Works of Chance;
21 What Particles form th' active Fire,
22 And what the wat'ry Parts require;
23 Which constitute th' Earth, and which th' Air,
24 Which th' Æsop's Form, and which the Fair,
25 Which make the Fools, and which the Wise,
26 And where the grand Distinction lies:
27 Knows all the Vortices on High,
28 And all the Worlds that grace the Sky;
29 Can tell what Men, what Beasts are there,
30 And what gay Clothes the Ladies wear;
31 What their fine airy Heroes do,
32 And how they fight, and how they woo;
33 And whether like our Beaux below,
34 They're pleas'd with Trifles, Noise, and Show,
35 Full of a stiff pedantick Pride,
36 Does all besides himself deride:
37 If you some Syllables misplace,
38 And can't them to their Fountain trace;
39 Can't tell among the Words you speak,
40 Which are Saxon, French, or Greek,
41 Which to the Roman Tongue belong,
42 And which to th' ancient Druid's Song;
43 Why Names a diff'rent Sense have gain'd;
44 Why some are shun'd, and some retain'd;
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45 And why, since Honesty's forgot,
46 The Title Knave shou'd prove a Blot;
47 Why Tyrant, which past Princes us'd,
48 Shou'd by crown'd Heads be now refus'd;
49 Those guiltess Names, which juster Times
50 That blush'd even at the Thought of Crimes,
51 And were too gen'rous to abuse,
52 Did without Scruple freely use:
53 He'll with a supercilious Air
54 His scornful Thoughts of you declare,
55 And gravely swear that you're unfit
56 For the Converse of Men of Wit.
Marissa.
57 No, no, 'tis none, 'tis none of these;
58 But you, methinks, shou'd guess with Ease:
59 Think, Cleanthe, think again,
60 And you'll find some yet much more vain.
Cleanthe.
61 Is it that Ape in Masquerade,
62 The Gallant by the Tailor made?
63 The Man who's hid with Snush and Hair,
64 And furnish'd with a modish Air;
65 Who lately made the Tour of France,
66 And learnt to talk, to dress, and dance;
67 Who, if he can but neatly write,
68 And moving Billets Doux indite,
69 Cares nor for English, nor for Sense,
70 He knows we can with both dispence?
71 Or is't the worthy Country Squire,
72 Who does himself, and's Wealth admire,
73 Who hunts, and games, and swears, and drinks,
74 But seldom reads, and never thinks,
75 Who's, if he can a Warrant write,
76 Or but a Mittimus indite,
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77 Can in Law-terms harangue the Croud,
78 Call Names, insult, and talk aloud.
79 He struts about, and looks as great,
80 As if whole Armies he had beat?
81 Or is it he, who thinks he's able
82 To direct a Council Table,
83 To teach the Senate of the Nation,
84 And instruct the Convocation;
85 Presumes to judge what's fit and right,
86 And when we shou'd, and shou'd not fight;
87 Who can on Machiavel refine,
88 And thinks his Policy Divine;
89 Who descants on the weekly News,
90 And can both Dutch and French accuse;
91 Find fault with Italy and Spain,
92 And dares the Swede and Czar arraign;
93 Th' Emperor's Conduct too dares blame,
94 And thinks the German Diet tame;
95 Censures each State, and full of Pride,
96 Thinks he the busie World could guide?
97 Or is't the Man who waking dreams
98 Of Nymphs, and Shades, and Hills, and Streams,
99 Makes Gods and Goddesses descend,
100 And on their Creature Man attend;
101 Who thro' th' infernal World dares go,
102 And does their griesly Monarch know;
103 Th' Elysian Fields distinctly view;
104 Knows what departed Heroes do;
105 Sees how the Beauties are employ'd,
106 And what Delights are there enjoy'd:
107 Then quick as Thought can upward fly,
108 And view the vast expanded Skie;
109 Sees the Celestial Monsters there,
110 The Crab, the Scorpion, and the Bear.
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111 Hears Canis bark, and Taurus roar,
112 With many deaf'ning Noises more:
113 Then makes a Tour from Pole to Pole,
114 And sees the threatning Billows roll:
115 Sees Sea-Gods with their wat'ry Train
116 Riding in Triumph on the Main:
117 Thence sees the Paphian Goddess rise
118 With tempting Looks, and sparkling Eyes;
119 Amid the Waves she spreads her Fire,
120 And does each Breast with Love inspire;
121 Fair Amphitrite feels the Heat,
122 And Neptune does his Vows repeat:
123 The Nereids sigh, the Tritons burn,
124 And each does Glance for Glance return:
125 Then like the glorious Source of Day,
126 He does both East and West survey,
127 Thro' ev'ry State, each Kingdom goes,
128 And all their Laws and Customs knows,
129 And which are Wits, and which are Fools,
130 Who bred in Wilds, and who in Schools;
131 Who with a courtly Neatness treat,
132 And who like Beasts devour their Meat:
133 And who of this vast Knowledge proud,
134 Looks with Disdain upon the Croud,
135 And thinks he has a just Pretence
136 To the Monopoly of Sense:
137 If's Thoughts he smoothly can express,
138 And put them in a florid Dress,
139 Can to a Poet's Name pretend,
140 And lash a Vice, or praise a Friend,
141 Thinks he's as happy and as great
142 As if he fill'd th' Imperial Seat;
143 And still averse to Gold and Cares,
144 The Badges of the Muses wears;
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145 And is as fond of being poor,
146 As others of their boasted Store?
Marissa.
147 I'll tell you, since you can't discover,
148 It is an awkard, whining Lover;
149 Who talks of Chains, of Flames and Passion,
150 And all the pretty Words in Fashion;
151 Words, which are still as true a Mark
152 Of an accomplish'd modish Spark,
153 As a long Wig, or powder'd Coat:
154 Like A, B, C, they're learnt by rote;
155 And then with equal Ardor said,
156 Or to the Mistress, or the Maid:
157 An Animal for Sport design'd,
158 Both very tame, and very kind:
159 Who for a Smile his Soul would give,
160 And can whole Months on Glances live:
161 Who still a Slave is to your Will,
162 And whom you with a Frown may kill:
163 Who at your Feet whole Days will lie,
164 And watch the Motions of your Eye:
165 Will kiss your Hand, and fawn, and swear,
166 That you, and none but you, are fair;
167 And if he sees that you're inclin'd
168 At length his humble suit to mind,
169 He then all Extasie will prove,
170 Is all Delight, and Joy, and Love:
171 But if you shou'd a Look misplace,
172 Or any favour'd Rival grace,
173 He full of Rage, and of Despair,
174 Nor him, nor you, nor Heav'n, will spare,
175 But challenges the happy Man,
176 Who whips him thro' the Lungs, and then
177 While he is bleeding, begs your pity,
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178 In strains so moving, soft and witty;
179 That they your Heart at length must move
180 To some Remorse, if not to Love,
181 Which he soon guesses by your Eyes,
182 And in an amorous Rapture dies.

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Title (in Source Edition): The Inquiry. A Dialogue between Cleanthe and Marissa.
Author: Lady Mary Chudleigh
Themes:
Genres: dialogue

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Chudleigh, Mary Lee, 1656-1710. Poems on several occasions. Together with the Song of the three children paraphras'd. By the Lady Chudleigh. London: Printed by W.B. for Bernard Lintott at the Middle Temple Gate in Fleetstreet, 1703, pp. 106-112. [16],125,[17],73,[1]p.; 8⁰. (ESTC T97275) (Page images digitized from a copy in the Bodleian Library [(OC) 280 j.452].)

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