1 IF e'er in thy sight I found favour, Apollo,
2 Defend me from all the disasters which follow:
3 From the knaves and the fools, and the fops of the time,
4 From the drudges in prose, and the triflers in rhyme:
5 From the patch-work and toils of the royal sack-bibber,
6 Those dead birth-day odes, and the farces of CIBBER:
7 From servile attendance on men in high places,
8 Their worships, and honours, and lordships, and graces;
9 From long dedications to patrons unworthy,
10 Who hear and receive, but will do nothing for thee:
11 From being caress'd to be left in the lurch,
12 The tool of a party, in state or in church:
13 From dull thinking blockheads, as sober as Turks,
14 And petulant bards who repeat their own works:
15 From all the gay things of a drawing-room show,
16 The sight of a Belle, and the smell of a Beau:
17 From busy back-biters, and tatlers, and carpers,
18 And scurvy acquaintance of fidlers and sharpers:
19 From old politicians, and coffee-house lectures,
20 The dreams of a chymist, and schemes of projectors:
21 From the fears of a jail, and the hopes of a pension,
22 The tricks of a gamester, and oaths of an ensign:
[Page 198]23 From shallow free-thinkers in taverns disputing,
24 Nor ever confuted, nor ever confuting:
25 From the constant good fare of another man's board,
26 My lady's broad hints, and the jests of my lord:
27 From hearing old chymists prelecting de olco,
28 And reading of Dutch commentators in folio:
29 From waiting, like GAY, whole years at White-hall;
30 From the pride of gay wits, and the envy of small:
31 From very fine ladies with very fine incomes,
32 Which they finely lay out on fine toys and fine trincums:
33 From the pranks of ridottoes and court-masquerades,
34 The snares of young jilts, and the spite of old maids:
35 From a saucy dull stage, and submitting to share
36 In an empty third night with a beggarly play'r:
37 From CURL and such Printers as would ha' me curs'd
38 To write second parts, let who will write the first:
39 From all pious patriots, who would to their best,
40 Put on a new tax, and take off an old test:
41 From the faith of informers, the fangs of the law,
42 And the great rogues, who keep all the lesser in awe:
43 From a poor country cure, that living interment,
44 With a wife and no prospect of any preferment:
45 From scribbling for hire, when my credit is sunk,
46 To buy a new coat, and to line an old trunk:
47 From 'squires, who divert us with jokes at their tables,
48 Of hounds in their kennels, and nags in their stables:
49 From the nobles and commons, who bound in strict league are
50 To subscribe for no book, yet subscribe to Heidegger:
[Page 199]51 From the cant of fanaticks, the jargon of schools,
52 The censures of wisemen, and praises of fools:
53 From criticks who never read Latin or Greek,
54 And pedants, who boast they read both all the week:
55 From borrowing wit, to repay it like BUDGEL,
56 Or lending, like POPE, to be paid by a cudgel:
57 If ever thou didst, or wilt ever befriend me,
58 From these, and such evils, APOLLO, defend me,
59 And let me be rather but honest with no-wit,
60 Than a noisy nonsensical half-witted poet.