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AN ODE TO THE GENIUS OF SCANDAL.

1 OH! thou, whose all-consoling pow'r
2 Can soothe our cares to rest;
3 Whose touch in Spleen's most vap'rish hour
4 Can calm each female breast;
5 Thee I invoke! Great Genius hear
6 Pity a lady's sighs;
7 Without thy kind relief be near
8 Poor COQUETINA dies!
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9 Haste thee, then, and with thee bring
10 Many a little venom'd sting;
11 Many a tale that no one knows
12 Of shall-be-nameless belles and beaux;
13 Just-imported curtain lectures,
14 Winks, and nods, and shrewd conjectures;
15 Half a dozen strange suspicions
16 Built on stranger suppositions;
17 Unknown marriages some twenty,
18 Private child-bed linen plenty;
19 And horns just fitted to some people's heads,
20 And certain powder'd coats, and certain tumbled beds!
21 Teach me, powerful Genius! teach
22 Thine own mysterious art,
23 Safe from Retaliation's reach,
24 How I may throw detraction's dart!
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25 So shall my hand an altar raise
26 Sacred to thy transcendent praise,
27 And daily with assiduous care,
28 Some grateful sacrifice prepare.
29 The first informations
30 Of lost reputations
31 As offerings to thee I'll consign,
32 And the earliest news
33 Of surpriz'd billet-doux
34 Shall constant be serv'd at thy shrine.
35 Intrigues by the score,
36 Never heard of before,
37 Shall the sacrifice daily augment;
38 And by each Morning Post
39 Some favourite Toast
40 A victim to thee shall be sent.
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41 Heav'ns! methinks I see thy train
42 Softly tripping o'er the plain;
43 All the alphabet I view
44 Stepping forward two and two.
45 Hush! for as they coupled walk,
46 Sure I hear the letters talk!
47 Though lowly-fearful whisperings half smother
48 The well concerted tales they blab of one another:
49 "Lord! who'd have thought our cousin D
50 "Could think of marrying Mrs. E!
51 "True, I don't like these things to tell,
52 "But, faith! I pity Mr. L;
53 "And was I he, the bride to vex,
54 "I'd go and court my Lady X.
55 "Indeed they say that Charlotte U,
56 "With Fanny M, and we guess who,
57 "Occasion'd all for you must know
58 "They set their caps at Mr. O,
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59 "And as he courted Mrs. E,
60 "They thought if she'd have cousin D,
61 "That things might be, through Captain A,
62 "Just brought about in their own way! "
63 Oh! how the pleasing style regales my ear !
64 Heav'ns! what new forms are these which now appear?
65 See yonder, in the thickest throng,
66 Designing Envy sculks along,
67 Big with malicious Laughter!
68 Fiction and Cunning swell her train;
69 While, stretching far behind, in vain
70 Poor Truth comes panting after.
71 Now, now indeed, I burn with sacred fires
72 'Tis SCANDAL's self that ev'ry thought inspires!
73 I feel, all-potent Genius! now I feel
74 Thy working magic through each art'ry steal.
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75 At thy command my fancy warms,
76 And sweetly paints the alter'd scene
77 Her touch now ev'ry grace deforms,
78 And blackens ev'ry mien!
79 Each moment to my prying eyes
80 Some fresh disfigur'd beauties rise:
81 Each minute I perceive some flaw
82 That e'en Ill-nature's self ne'er saw.
83 Hark! some airy whisp'rer hints,
84 In accents wisely faint,
85 That bright Cleora rather squints
86 Rosetta uses paint
87 That though some fops of Celia prate,
88 Yet be not her's the praise,
89 For if she should be passing straight
90 Hem! she may thank her stays!
91 Each fool of Delia's figure talks,
92 And celebrates her fame;
93 But, for my part, whene'er she walks,
94 I think she's rather lame.
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95 And mind Ma'am Chloe toss her head!
96 Lord! how the creature stares!
97 Well! I thank God it can't be said
98 I give myself those airs.
99 But soft! what figure's this I now see come?
100 His awful frown strikes even SCANDAL dumb
101 Ah me! the blood forsakes my trembling cheek,
102 While sternly thus, methinks, I hear him speak:
103 Peace, snarling woman, peace!
104 'Tis CANDOUR bids thee cease
105 CANDOUR at whose insulted name
106 Even thy face should burn with shame!
107 Too long I've silent seen
108 The venom of thy spleen
109 Too long, with secret pain,
110 Observ'd black SCANDAL's reign;
111 But now, with indignation stung,
112 Justice demands my tongue,
113 And bids me drag the lurking fiend to light,
114 And hold her deeds of darkness up to sight.
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115 Look on this prospect! and if e'er thy brow
116 Can feel Compunction's sick'ning blush, 'tis now.
117 Mark yonder weeping maid,
118 Sadly deserted laid
119 Beside that mournful willow!
120 There ev'ry day, in silent woe,
121 She bids her tears incessant flow;
122 And ev'ry night forlornly pining,
123 Mute on her lilly hand reclining,
124 Bedews her waking pillow,
125 Sweet girl! she was once most enchantingly gay,
126 Each youth felt her charms, and acknowledg'd their sway;
127 No arts did she use to acquire a grace,
128 'Twas good humour alone that enliven'd her face;
129 Pure nature had leave in her actions to speak
130 The wildness of youth gave the blush to her cheek,
131 And her looks uninstructed her thoughts would impart,
132 Since her eyes only flash'd from the warmth of her heart.
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133 Herself undesigning, no schemes she suspected
134 Ne'er dreaming of ambush, defence she neglected;
135 With the youth that she lov'd, at the moon's silver hour,
136 In confidence tender, she stole to the bow'r:
137 There he hop'd to have all his desires obtain'd,
138 But she spurn'd at the insult her virtue sustain'd;
139 And he, in revenge for his baffled endeavour,
140 Gave a hint, 'twas enough she was ruin'd for ever!
141 A thousand kind females the story augmented
142 Each day grinning Envy additions invented;
143 Till satiated Malice had gain'd all her ends,
144 Had robb'd her of character happiness friends.
145 And now, sad innocent alone
146 Shunn'd as a pest she makes her moan,
147 And in unheard despair,
148 Yields all resign'd to soul-consuming care.
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149 Yet many a time her wand'ring brain
150 Turns with its fev'rish weight of pain,
151 And then a thousand childish things
152 The pretty mad one rudely sings;
153 Or mute on the ground she gazes,
154 And weeps as she scatters her daisies,
155 And then, in a strain more distractedly loud,
156 She chants the sad thoughts of her fancy,
157 And shivers and sings of her cold shrowd
158 Ah poor Nancy!
159 Nay, weep not now! 'tis now too late
160 Thy friendship might have stopt her fate;
161 Rather now hide thy head in conscious shame
162 Thy mouth too buzz'd the tale that stain'd her fame.
163 But come again turn here thine eyes,
164 And view another victim rise
165 Observe that crested warrior! his name
166 Could make whole hostile ranks disordered fly,
167 Victory follow'd where the hero came,
168 And conquest darted from his vengeful eye.
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169 His was true courage on good prudence built
170 An arm prepar'd to extirpate or save:
171 'Twas only rais'd to crush presuming guilt,
172 Or lend its vigour to the honest brave.
173 Yet e'en a man thus form'd,
174 With ev'ery nobler passion warm'd,
175 At Envy's infamous command,
176 Fell by dark SCANDAL's secret hand.
177 Lothario, dearest of his friends,
178 Wrong'd him he scorn'd to ask amends
179 In real valour calmness we admire,
180 'Tis your mock honour that's so soon on fire.
181 Souls truly great no rash resentments seek
182 His friendship pardon'd e'er his rage could speak.
183 Yet, for a deed that challeng'd brightest fame,
184 SCANDAL bedamn'd him with a coward's name;
185 Nay, more secure her vengeance to pursue,
186 Proclaim'd the man that own'd him coward too.
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187 And see! with proudly sullen air
188 The injur'd hero stalks alone,
189 And, though his looks betray his care.
190 Disdains to vent a single groan:
191 Save when, by some distracting thought,
192 To wild impatience madly wrought,
193 With sudden stamp the ground he beats,
194 As Mem'ry paints his former feats,
195 How once knee-deep in blood
196 Immoveably he stood,
197 And in the howling battle's roar,
198 With gaping wounds all cover'd o'er,
199 His single arm durst firm oppose
200 A phalanx of assailing foes.
201 And mark! with starting rage possess'd,
202 Wildly he bares his furrow'd breast,
203 And as his scars he views with aching eyes,
204 "Oh! 'tis too much!" the fault'ring vet'ran cries
205 Yet scorning still to let his pangs appear,
206 Bites hard his quiv'ring lip, and gulps the starting tear!
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207 These are the triumphs SCANDAL claims
208 Triumphs deriv'd from ruin'd names
209 Such as, to generous minds unknown,
210 An honest soul would scorn to own.
211 Nor think, vain woman, while you sneer
212 At others faults, that you are clear;
213 No! turn your back you undergo
214 The self-same malice you to others show,
215 And soon by some malicious tale o'erthrown,
216 Like these shall fall, unpitied, and unknown!
217 Oh! then, ye blooming fair attend
218 Oh! take kind CANDOUR for your friend,
219 Nor forfeit, for a mean delight,
220 That pow'r o'er man that's yours by right.
221 To woman ev'ry charm was giv'n,
222 Design'd by all indulgent Heav'n
223 To soften every care.
224 Yes! ye were form'd to bless mankind,
225 To harmonize and soothe the mind,
226 And guard us from despair.
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227 But when from those sweet lips we hear,
228 Ill-nature's whisper, Envy's sneer,
229 Your pow'r that moment dies.
230 Each coxcomb makes your name his sport,
231 And fools when angry will retort
232 What men of sense despise.
233 Leave, then, such low pursuits as these,
234 And take a nobler road to please
235 Let CANDOUR guide your way
236 So shall you daily conquests gain,
237 And captives glorying in your chain,
238 Be proud to own your sway.
THE END.

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About this text

Title (in Source Edition): AN ODE TO THE GENIUS OF SCANDAL.
Themes: scandal; notoriety
Genres: ode

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Source edition

Sheridan, Richard Brinsley, 1751-1816. An ode to the genius of scandal. London: printed for G. Kearsly, 1781, pp. []-18. [2],18p.; 4⁰. (ESTC T41991; OTA K041189.000)

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The text has been typographically modernized, but without any silent modernization of spelling, capitalization, or punctuation. The source of the text is given and all editorial interventions have been recorded in textual notes. Based on the electronic text originally produced by the TCP project, this ECPA text has been edited to conform to the recommendations found in Level 5 of the Best Practices for TEI in Libraries version 4.0.0.