An EPITAPH. Interr'd beneath this Marble Stone, Lie Saunt'ring Jack, and Idle Joan. While rolling Threescore Years and One Did round this Globe their Courses run; If Human Things went Ill or Well; If changing Empires rose or fell; The Morning past, the Evening came, And found this Couple still the same. They Walk'd and Eat, good Folks: What then? Why then They Walk'd and Eat again: They soundly slept the Night away: They did just Nothing all the Day: And having bury'd Children Four, Wou'd not take Pains to try for more. Nor Sister either had, nor Brother: They seem'd just Tally'd for each other. Their Moral and Oeconomy Most perfectly They made agree: Each Virtue kept it's proper Bound, Nor Trespass'd on the other's Ground. Nor Fame, nor Censure They regarded: They neither Punish'd, nor Rewarded. He car'd not what the Footmen did: Her Maids She neither prais'd, nor chid: So ev'ry Servant took his Course; And bad at First, They all grew worse. Slothful Disorder fill'd His Stable; And sluttish Plenty deck'd Her Table. Their Beer was strong; Their Wine was Port; Their Meal was large; Their Grace was short. They gave the Poor the Remnant-meat, Just when it grew not fit to eat. They paid the Church and Parish-Rate; And took, but read not the Receit: For which They claim'd their Sunday's Due, Of slumb'ring in an upper Pew. No Man's Defects sought They to know; So never made Themselves a Foe. No Man's good Deeds did They commend; So never rais'd Themselves a Friend. Nor cherish'd They Relations poor: That might decrease Their present Store: Nor Barn nor House did they repair: That might oblige Their future Heir. They neither Added, nor Confounded: They neither Wanted, nor Abounded. Each Christmas They Accompts did clear; And wound their Bottom round the Year. Nor Tear, nor Smile did They imploy At News of Public Grief, or Joy. When Bells were Rung, and Bonfires made; If ask'd, They ne'er deny'd their Aid: Their Jugg was to the Ringers carry'd; Who ever either Dy'd, or Marry'd. Their Jugg was to the Ringers carry'd; Who ever either Dy'd, or Marry'd. Their Billet at the Fire was found; Who ever was Depos'd, or Crown'd. Nor Good, nor Bad, nor Fools, nor Wise; They wou'd not learn, nor cou'd advise: Without Love, Hatred, Joy, or Fear, They led — a kind of — as it were: Nor Wish'd, nor Car'd, nor Laugh'd, nor Cry'd: And so They liv'd; and so They dy'd.