A COLLEGE LIFE. FOR THE VASE AT BATH-EASTON. Mary Alcock (née Cumberland) Alexander Huber Editor Bodleian Libraries, University of Oxford
Broad Street Oxford OX1 3BG UK
Eighteenth-Century Poetry Archive
Taylor Institution Library St Giles' Oxford OX1 3NA UK info@eighteenthcenturypoetry.org https://www.eighteenthcenturypoetry.org/
Oxford This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License. T86344 Alcock [née Cumberland], Mary, 1741?–1798. Poems, &c. &c. by the Late Mrs. Mary Alcock [poems only]. London Printed for C. Dilly, Poultry 1799 pp. 115-117. vii,[25],183,[1]p.

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A COLLEGE LIFE . FOR THE VASE AT BATH-EASTON . A college life ! I scorn the odious phrase ; So dull a theme shall ne'er employ my lays : A life indeed ! 'twere fitter stil'd a death , Unless 'tis life merely to draw your breath ; By fusty walls coop'd up , as in a pen , 'Mongst fusty books , and still more fusty men . Can this be life , by gothic rules compell'd To part from liberty , or be expell'd ? At early dawn roused by the bell to matin , The live long day confined to Greek and Latin ; At such an hour amongst old dons to dine , Yet not allow'd a social glass of wine ; With cap in hand across the court to go , But not to touch the grass-plat with your toe , Lest dire expulsion for that breach of laws Seize on the culprit with it's iron claws . If when fatigu'd at ev'ning , he should take A nap too long , and not to pray'rs awake , Strait through the College shall his name resound , Dead or alive , the caitiff must be found : Or if perchance some friend or lady sair Should draw him forth to taste the noontide air , Then as a squirrel , who his chain has broke , Or slave new ransom'd from his galling yoke , His liberty he hugs , with joy elate , He for a while forgets his fervile state , Nor e'er reflects on bars , or keys , or gate . But now the college clock with gloomy knell Assails his ear , and like conjurer's spell Strikes thro' his heart — with horror in his face Sudden he starts — his short-liv'd joy gives place . With eager strides swift thro' the streets he hies , And at the portal for admittance cries , But cries in vain — for ah ! 'tis all too late ; The porter hears , but won't unbar the gate ; Abash'd the youth retires with thoughful pace , Dreams of jobation , lectures and disgrace ; Next morn by Master , Tutor , Fellows rated , In short , not much unlike a bear when baited . Since this a College Life , peace to that pair , Who dying left me to a Guardian's care , And he , thank Fortune , to unbend my mind , Chose a young Tutor , gay , polite and kind , Who , anxious much my morals to advance , Took me a tour thro' Italy and France ; Gave me the Graces , which I more admire Than all the learning I could else acquire : This , this is life , but that within a College , Which musty pedants term the Seat of Knowledge , Let pedants take — I will not see their faces , But live and die devoted to the Graces . Thus Florio talk'd — much noise and little matter , 'Tis thus , that puppies yelp , and monkies chatter .