The HAPPY HUSBAND, And The OLD BATCHELOR. A Dialogue. Mary Collier Alexander Huber Editor Bodleian Libraries, University of Oxford
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Eighteenth-Century Poetry Archive
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Oxford This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License. T125590 Collier, Mary, c.1690-c.1762. Poems, on Several Occasions, by Mary Collier, Author of the Washerwoman's Labour, with some remarks on Her Life. Winchester Printed by Mary Ayres; for the Author. MDCCLXII. 1762 pp. []-40. 68p.

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The HAPPY HUSBAND , And The OLD BATCHELOR . A Dialogue . A Country Gentleman of late , Of honest fame and good estate , Who with a Sober virtuous Wife , For many Years had led his life ; Walk'd in the Fields to take the Air , And chanc'd to meet his Neighbour there , A Gentleman of good degree , Polite , and gay , of humour free ; Who long had been to love inclin'd , But ne'er cou'd fix his wav'ring mind , And being met at his desire , They to his Neighbouring house retire ; A Rural Seat , which for long Space Had gone in the Paternal race , There in the Hall they both regale With generous Wine and Nappy Ale , Until the Evening being come , The Guest talk'd of Returning home . Husband . My Dearest Wife will think , said he , That Some mishap has fall'n on me . Batchelor . His friend reply'd , with scornful air , I thank my Stars I've no such care ; Long , as I please , abroad I stay , And Seldom ask what time of day : I game and quaff away the Night , And reel to Bed at Morning light ; Thus I pursue my pleasure free , And have no Wife to rail at me : Such fatal Curbs I cannot bear , And therefore took a prudent care , To Shun the Matrimonial Snare . Husband . His friend reply'd with chearful voice I never did repent my choice , I wou'd not have the Golden Chain , Of Hymen be unlink'd again . Nor wou'd I leave my Dearest Wife , To gain the greatest good of life : Long as I please abroad I bide , And do not fear my Wife will chide , For she is So obliging , I Take pleasure in her company : Her kind advice she doth impart , And by her prudence gains my heart ; While you abroad unsettled roam For want of such a Spouse at home ; Tis an unhappy life you lead , No faithful Friend in time of need : Thus , Shou'd you die , you'd leave no Son , To take your place when you are gone . Batchelor . That's more , my friend , than you do know I may have Sons and Daughters too , Without the trouble of a Wife I can enjoy the Sweets of life , To marry I shall make no haste , Variety doth please my taste , Your counsel doth not please my mind , Because I hate to be confin'd . Husband . It may indeed , my friend , be So , You may have Sons and Daughters too , But if you have , you must be blam'd , And of your Offspring be asham'd , While Sober men their Children prize , Your Progeny you Basterdize , Of such you have no cause to boast ; Your race extinct , and name quite lost ; For while you thus with harlots rove You never know the Sweets of love , Nor taste those comforts that attend A Virtuous Wife , and faithful friend , When I with any crosses meet I to my Dearest Spouse retreat , Whose prudent counsel has the Art To ease my care , and chear my heart , She doth all ways and means improve To rule the House in Peace and love Her mild commands and gentle Sway Her Servants willingly obey ; Thus by her prudent management , My life's a Scene of true content . Batchelor . Indeed , my Friend , if this be so , You are the happiest Man I know . For you enjoy I plainly find , The Phoenix of the Female kind ; Surely there are but very few Cou'd justly boast as now you do , If I cou'd meet with such a Wife , Myself wou'd chuse a marry'd life . Husband . My Friend , if I may speak my mind , As Virtuous Wives are hard to find , I think it equally as true , That loving Husbands are so too I wish that man wou'd know his place , As Lord of the created race , Vicegerent of this spacious ball , A Shining light observ'd by all ; Wise in his conduct he wou'd be , A Pattern to his Family , And by his own Example lead His Spouse the path wherein to tread : Wou'd he to her himself approve , And ever bear a constant love , I am persuaded we shou'd find Most Women virtuous , just and kind . In bodies natural , we see If once the Head distemper'd be , The curious fabrick feels the Smart , And bears by Sympathy a part ; In bodies Politick the Same , Then can we think our Wives to blame , If they shou'd blindly venture on Those vicious ways ourselves have gone ; But where strict virtue bears the Sway , That virtue cannot lead astray . When mild reproofs have little force To check a Husband's vicious course , A Wife provok'd , with rage and fear , May utter truth he hates to hear . But now before I make an end , Let me advise you as a friend , To chuse a Consort that may be A blessing to your Family . But let not wealth or grandeur move To wed with one you cannot love , No doubt but you a Girl may find To bring you Gold and please your mind ; But if it otherwise should prove Set Money by and wed for love , A Pleasant , chaste , and comely Dame , Of good descent and honest fame ; All other Objects banish quite And fix on her your whole delight ; Let words and actions still commend Yourself to be her faithful friend ; Then be assur'd you'll not complain Of want of due respect again . Batchelor . My friend , shou'd I be rul'd by you , I to all joys must bid adieu And that which most of all does grieve , My old companions I must leave , Those jovial Sparks I plainly See Offensive to a Wife will be , And if they shou'd not , I confess My trouble will be ne'er the less ; For when they at my House appear I of my brows shall Stand in fear ; Therefore I think I must go on To live as I've already done . Husband . If jealousy your mind possess , You'll ne'er be happy I confess , But Sure with care you may prevent , The causes of such discontent , If you are constant in your love , Your Wife will hardly ever rove , And for your jovial Company , Whate'er you have been let them See , To virtue's rules your Strict conformity . If they their wicked courses hold , You friendship quickly will grow cold , If they reform the case is clear , Of them you need not stand in fear ; And thus you may prevent all Strife And lead a Sweet contented life . Batchelor . My loving friend , I plainly See Good counsel you have given me , And now my friend , I freely own , My former courses past and gone , Did for a moment please the mind , But leave a bitter Sting behind ; Altho' my bloom of life be past , I hope I shall reform at last . But first my care shall be apply'd To chuse a virtuous loving Bride , And So behave to her that we May live in love and unity , So may we find our Joys increase , For Virtue's ways are paths of peace .