The Rape of the TRAP, a BALLAD; written at College, 1736. William Shenstone Alexander Huber Editor Bodleian Libraries, University of Oxford
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Eighteenth-Century Poetry Archive
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Oxford This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License. T131163 K104099.005 Dodsley, Robert, 1703-1764. A Collection of Poems in Six Volumes. By Several Hands. Vol. V. London printed by J. Hughs, for R. and J. Dodsley 1763 [1st ed. 1758] pp. 42-45. 6v.: music; 8⁰.

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The Rape of the TRAP , a BALLAD ; written at College , 1736. By the Same . 'TWAS in a land of learning , The Muse's favourite station , Such pranks , of late , Were play'd by a rat , As gave them consternation ! All in a college-study , Where books were in great plenty , This rat would devour More sense , in an hour , Than I could write — in twenty . His breakfast , half the morning , He constantly attended ; And , when the bell rung For evening-song , His dinner scarce was ended . Huge tomes of geo-graphy , And maps lay all in flutter ; A river or a sea Was to him a dish of tea , And a kingdom — bread and butter . Such havoc , spoil , and rapine , With grief my Muse rehearses ; How freely he would dine On some bulky school-divine , And for desert — eat verses . He spar'd not ev'n heroics , On which we poets pride us : And would make no more Of King Arthurs , by the score , Than — all the world beside does . But if the desperate potion , Might chance to over-dose him ; To check its rage , He took a page Of logic , to compose him . A trap in haste and anger , Was bought , you need not doubt on't ; And such was the gin , Were a lion once in , He could not , I think , get out on't . With cheese , not books , 'twas baited ; The fact , I'll not bely it ; Since none , I tell ye that , Whether scholar or rat , Minds books , when he has other diet . No more of trap and bait , sir , Why should I sing — or either ? Since the rat , with mickle pride , All their sophistry defy'd ; And dragg'd them away together . Both trap and bait were vanish'd , Thro' a fracture in the flooring ; Which , tho' so trim It now may seem , Had then a doz'n , or more in . Then answer this , ye sages ; ( Nor think I mean to wrong ye ) Had the rat , who thus did seize on The trap , less claim to reason , Than many a sage among ye ? Dan Prior's mice , I own it , Were vermin of condition ; But the rat , who chiefly learn'd What rats alone concern'd , Was the deeper politician . That England's topsy-turvy , Is clear from these mishaps , sir , Since traps , we may determine , Will no longer take our vermin ; But vermin take our traps , sir . Let sophs , by rats infested , Then trust in cats to catch 'em ; Lest they prove the utter bane Of our studies , where , 'tis plain , No mortal sits — to watch 'em .