THE
HOLY
FAIR
.
A
robe
of
seeming
truth
and
trust
Hid
crafty
observation
;
And
secret
hung
,
with
poison'd
crust
,
The
dirk
of
Defamation
:
A
mask
that
like
the
gorget
show'd
,
Dye-varying
,
on
the
pigeon
;
And
for
a
mantle
large
and
broad
,
He
wrapt
him
in
Religion
.
HYPOCRISY
A-LA-MODE
.
I.
UPON
a
simmer
Sunday
morn
,
When
Nature's
face
is
fair
,
I
walked
forth
to
view
the
corn
,
An'
snuff
the
callor
air
.
The
rising
sun
,
our
GALSTON
Muirs
,
Wi'
glorious
light
was
glintan
;
The
hares
were
hirplan
down
the
furrs
,
The
lav'rocks
they
were
chantan
Fu'
sweet
that
day
.
II
.
As
lightsomely
I
glowr'd
abroad
,
To
see
a
scene
sae
gay
,
Three
hizzies
,
early
at
the
road
,
Cam
skelpan
up
the
way
.
Twa
had
manteeles
o'
dolefu'
black
,
But
ane
wi'
lyart
lining
;
The
third
,
that
gaed
a
wee
a-back
,
Was
in
the
fashion
shining
Fu'
gay
that
day
.
III
.
The
twa
appear'd
like
sisters
twin
,
In
feature
,
form
an
claes
;
Their
visage
wither'd
,
lang
an'
thin
,
An'
sour
as
ony
slaes
:
The
third
cam
up
,
hap-step-an'-loup
,
As
light
as
ony
lambie
,
An'
wi'
a
curchie
low
did
stoop
,
As
soon
as
e'er
she
saw
me
,
Fu'
kind
that
day
.
IV
.
Wi'
bonnet
aff
,
quoth
I
,
"
Sweet
lass
,
"
I
think
ye
seem
to
ken
me
;
"
I'm
sure
I've
seen
that
bonie
face
,
"
But
yet
I
canna
name
ye
.
"
Quo'
she
,
an'
laughan
as
she
spak
,
An'
taks
me
by
the
han's
,
"
Ye
,
for
my
sake
,
hae
gien
the
feck
"
Of
a'
the
ten
comman's
A
screed
some
day
.
"
V.
"
My
name
is
FUN
—
your
cronie
dear
,
"
The
nearest
friend
ye
hae
;
"
An'
this
is
SUPERSTITION
here
,
"
An'
that's
HYPOCRISY
.
"
I'm
gaun
to
*********
holy
fair
,
"
To
spend
an
hour
in
daffin
:
"
Gin
ye'll
go
there
,
yon
runkl'd
pair
,
"
We
will
get
famous
laughin
At
them
this
day
.
"
VI
.
Quoth
I
,
"
With
a'
my
heart
,
I'll
do't
;
"
I'll
get
my
sunday's
sark
on
,
"
An'
meet
you
on
the
holy
spot
;
"
Faith
,
we'se
hae
fine
remarkin
!
"
Then
I
gaed
hame
at
crowdie-time
,
An'
soon
I
made
me
ready
;
For
roads
were
clad
,
frae
side
to
side
,
Wi'
monie
a
wearie
body
,
In
droves
that
day
.
VII
.
Here
,
farmers
gash
,
in
ridin
graith
,
Gaed
hoddan
by
their
cotters
;
There
,
swankies
young
,
in
braw
braid-claith
,
Are
springan
owre
the
gutters
.
The
lasses
,
skelpan
barefit
,
thrang
,
In
silks
an'
scarlets
glitter
;
Wi'
sweet-milk-cheese
,
in
monie
a
whang
,
An
farls
,
bak'd
wi'
butter
,
Fu'
crump
that
day
.
VIII
.
When
by
the
plate
we
set
our
note
,
Weel
heaped
up
wi'
ha'pence
,
A
greedy
glowr
black-bonnet
throws
,
An'
we
maun
draw
our
tippence
.
Then
in
we
go
to
see
the
show
,
On
ev'ry
side
they're
gath'ran
;
Some
carryan
dails
,
some
chairs
an'
stools
,
An'
some
are
busy
bleth'ran
Right
loud
that
day
,
IX
.
Here
stands
a
shed
to
fend
the
show'rs
,
An'
screen
our
countra
Gentry
;
There
,
racer
Jess
,
an'
twathree
wh
—
res
,
Are
blinkan
at
the
entry
.
Here
sits
a
raw
o'
tittlan
jads
,
Wi'
heaving
breasts
an'
bare
neck
;
An'
there
,
a
batch
o'
Wabster
lads
,
Blackguarding
frae
K*******ck
For
fun
this
day
.
X.
Here
,
some
are
thinkan
on
their
sins
,
An'
some
upo'
their
claes
;
Ane
curses
feet
that
fyl'd
his
shins
,
Anither
sighs
an'
prays
:
On
this
hand
sits
an
Elect
swatch
,
Wi'
screw'd-up
,
grace-proud
faces
;
On
that
,
a
set
o'
chaps
,
at
watch
,
Thrang
winkan
on
the
lasses
To
chairs
that
days
.
XI
.
O
happy
is
that
man
,
an'
blest
!
Nae
wonder
that
it
pride
him
!
Whase
ain
dear
lass
,
that
he
likes
best
,
Comes
clinkan
down
beside
him
!
Wi'
arm
repos'd
on
the
chair-back
,
He
sweetly
does
compose
him
;
Which
,
by
degrees
,
slips
round
her
neck
,
An's
loof
upon
her
bosom
Unkend
that
day
,
XII
.
Now
a'
the
congregation
o'er
Is
silent
expectation
;
For
******
speels
the
holy
door
,
Wi'
tidings
o'
s—lv—t—n
.
Should
Hornie
,
as
in
ancient
days
,
'Mang
sons
o'
G—
present
him
,
The
vera
fight
o'
******'s
face
,
To's
ain
het
hame
had
sent
him
Wi'
fright
that
day
.
XIII
.
Hear
how
he
clears
the
points
o'
Faith
Wi'
rattlin
an'
thumpin
!
Now
meekly
calm
,
now
wild
in
wrath
,
He's
stampan
,
an'
he's
jumpan
!
His
lengthen'd
chin
,
his
turn'd
up
snout
,
His
eldritch
squeel
an'
gestures
,
O
how
they
fire
the
heart
devout
,
Like
cantharidian
plaisters
On
sic
a
day
!
XIV
.
But
hark
!
the
tent
has
chang'd
it's
voice
;
There's
peace
an'
rest
nae
langer
;
For
a'
the
real
judges
rise
,
They
canna
sit
for
anger
.
*****
opens
out
his
cauld
harangues
,
On
practice
and
on
morals
;
An'
aff
the
godly
pour
in
thrangs
,
To
gie
the
jars
an'
barrels
A
lift
that
day
.
XV.
What
signifies
his
barren
shine
,
Of
moral
pow'rs
an'
reason
?
His
English
style
,
an'
gesture
fine
,
Are
a'
clean
out
o'
season
.
Like
SOCRATES
or
ANTONINE
,
Or
some
auld
pagan
heathen
,
The
moral
man
he
does
define
,
But
ne'er
a
word
o'
faith
in
That's
right
that
day
.
XVI
.
In
guid
time
comes
an
antidote
Against
sic
poosion'd
nostrum
;
For
*******
,
frae
the
water-fit
,
Ascends
the
holy
rostrum
:
See
,
up
he's
got
the
word
o'
G
—
,
An'
meek
an'
mim
has
view'd
it
,
While
COMMON-SENSE
has
taen
the
road
,
An'
aff
,
an'
up
the
Cowgate
Fast
,
fast
that
day
.
XVII
.
Wee
******
,
niest
,
the
Guard
relieves
An'
Orthodoxy
raibles
,
Tho'
in
his
heart
he
weel
believes
,
An'
thinks
it
auld
wives'
fables
:
But
faith
!
the
birkie
wants
a
Manse
,
So
,
cannilie
he
hums
them
;
Altho'
his
carnal
Wit
an'
Sense
Like
hafflins-wife
o'ercomes
him
At
times
that
day
.
XVIII
.
Now
,
butt
an'
ben
,
the
Change-house
fills
,
Wi'
yill-caup
Commentators
:
Here's
crying
out
for
bakes
an'
gills
,
An'
there
the
pint-stowp
clatters
;
While
thick
an'
thrang
,
an'
loud
an'
lang
,
Wi'
Logic
,
an'
wi'
Scripture
,
They
raise
a
din
,
that
,
in
the
end
,
Is
like
to
breed
a
rupture
O'
wrath
that
day
.
XIX
.
Leeze
me
on
Drink
!
it
gies
us
mair
Than
either
School
or
Colledge
:
It
kindles
Wit
,
it
waukens
Lear
,
It
pangs
us
fou
o'
Knowledge
.
Be't
whisky-gill
or
penny-wheep
,
Or
ony
stronger
potion
,
It
never
fails
,
on
drinkin
deep
,
To
kittle
up
our
notion
,
By
night
or
day
.
XX
.
The
lads
an'
lasses
,
blythely
bent
To
mind
baith
saul
an'
body
,
Sit
round
the
table
,
weel
content
,
An'
steer
about
the
toddy
.
On
this
ane's
dress
,
an'
that
ane's
leuk
,
They're
makin
observations
;
While
some
are
cozie
i'
the
neuk
,
An'
forming
assignations
To
meet
some
day
.
XXI
.
But
now
the
L
—
's
ain
trumpet
touts
,
Till
a'
the
hills
are
rairan
,
An'
echos
back
return
the
shouts
;
Black
******
is
na
spairan
:
His
piercin
words
,
like
Highlan
swords
,
Divide
the
joints
an'
marrow
;
His
talk
o'
H
—
ll
,
whare
devils
dwell
,
Our
vera
Shakespeare's
Hamlet
.
"
Sauls
does
harrow
"
Wi'
fright
that
day
!
XXII
.
A
vast
,
unbottom'd
,
boundless
Pit
,
Fill'd
fou
o'
lowan
brunstane
,
Whase
raging
flame
,
an'
scorching
heat
,
Wad
melt
the
hardest
whun-stane
!
The
half
asleep
start
up
wi'
fear
,
An'
think
they
hear
it
roaran
,
When
presently
it
does
appear
,
'Twas
but
some
neebor
snoran
Asleep
that
day
.
XXIII
.
'Twad
be
owre
lang
a
tale
to
tell
,
How
monie
stories
past
,
An'
how
they
crouded
to
the
yill
,
When
they
were
a'
dismist
:
How
drink
gaed
round
,
in
cogs
an'
caups
Amang
the
furms
an'
benches
;
An'
cheese
an'
bread
,
frae
women's
laps
,
Was
dealt
about
in
lunches
,
An'
dawds
that
day
.
XXIV
.
In
comes
a
gawsie
,
gash
Guidwife
,
An'
sits
down
by
the
fire
,
Syne
draws
her
kebbuck
an'
her
knife
;
The
lasses
they
are
shyer
.
The
auld
Guidmen
,
about
the
grace
,
Frae
side
to
side
they
bother
,
Till
some
ane
by
his
bonnet
lays
,
An'
gies
them't
,
like
a
tether
,
Fu'
lang
that
day
.
XXV
.
Waesucks
!
for
him
that
gets
nae
lass
,
Or
lasses
that
hae
naething
!
Sma'
need
has
he
to
say
a
grace
,
Or
melvie
his
braw
claithing
!
O
Wives
be
mindfu'
,
ance
yoursel
,
How
bonie
lads
ye
wanted
,
An'
dinna
,
for
a
kebbuck-heel
,
Let
lasses
be
affronted
On
sic
a
day
!
XXVI
.
Now
Clinkumbell
,
wi'
rattlan
tow
,
Begins
to
jow
an'
croon
;
Some
swagger
hame
,
the
best
they
dow
,
Some
wait
the
afternoon
.
At
slaps
the
billies
halt
a
blink
,
Till
lasses
strip
their
shoon
:
Wi'
faith
an'
hope
,
an'
love
an'
drink
,
They're
a'
in
famous
tune
For
crack
that
day
.
XXVII
.
How
monie
hearts
this
day
converts
,
O'
sinners
and
o'
Lasses
!
Their
hearts
o'
stane
,
gin
night
are
gane
,
As
saft
as
ony
flesh
is
.
There's
some
are
fou
o'
love
divine
;
There's
some
are
fou
o'
brandy
;
An'
monie
jobs
that
day
begin
,
May
end
in
Houghmagandie
Some
ither
day
.